Love

Love. How would you describe love in a short sentence?

Love. (Mass noun) –

  • A strong feeling of affection
  • A strong feeling of affection and sexual attraction for someone.

Many people have, will and are experiencing such a feeling. Me? I still believe I haven’t. Well, at least not in the romantic sense.

***

I was invited to a birthday do up north a few weeks back. When trying to find a friend to crash at a hotel with, I realised many had already booked up with their partners in tow. I keep forgetting we are all getting older and many of the group have settled or are in the high throws of passion. However, I am working in the bar trade, drinking copouts amounts of wine and still non-attached. People constantly ask me why I am still single. Like being single is an illness I have chosen to indulge in.

Throughout my adult life, I have wasted time on relationships that I knew would never be. So why would I waste any more? I am sure many of you would agree as we have all been there, but I just feel that I personally, have been incredibly unlucky… or incredibly stupid.

What I have learnt from the last few years, is what love shouldnt be. Love is not fearing the actions of another towards you. Love is not waiting for acceptance of ones self from that person. Love is not giving all of your trust for that someone to then rip up the nice, soft carpet underneath your feet away from you.

In times, I was naive, very sad and broken… But I am not that person anymore. I have had these experiences and molded myself into the being I am today, and I am proud.

The most important lesson that I have learnt, was to enjoy my own presence. I like my free time and regularly set aside events for myself. Having lunch at that quirky, new resturaunt or sitting in a cafe drinking macchiatos and writing in my journal. I also do not crave the company of others just because I feel lonely.

You do not need someone to bring happiness into your life, they should develop alongside your own happiness.

So thank you, to everyone that has thought they could control, destroy or pander with my life. I’m here. Stronger than ever. One day I will understand love, but in the meantime I am happy, happy just being me.

 

Do you relate to any part of my story? I would love to hear yours! Get in touch. (-:

 

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3 Comments

  • Reply
    Amy
    April 20, 2015 at 11:26 am

    Loved reading you’re blog and can relate to you in many ways. 🙂 xxx

  • Reply
    Simon
    April 20, 2015 at 12:02 pm

    Where to start. I think I can safely say I’m older than you, and though age does not necessarily equate to more or better experience, I CAN say that I’ve felt the way you’ve felt a lot, and have been through a few battles of the heart. I’m divorced, I’ve been in more that one ‘loveless’ relationship, and I can safely say that on more than one occasion I’ve been someone I’ve not wanted to be to keep someone happy. There is a lyric in a Bluetones song that says “time after time I lied, just to say the things, you wanted to hear”. I’ve done that, I’ve lived that.
    You are completely right when you say that there is never a need for someone in your life just to bring you happiness. Happiness is about you, and if you are lucky enough to be with someone who loves you (because believe me, to have that IS something lucky) then they should make you happy because they want to, not because you need them to.
    This is a wonderfully thought out post. If I had to give a one line summarisation of what I’ve learned in my time it would be this : Relationships are hard, they take work, and the most important thing is honest communication.
    Excellent post 🙂

  • Reply
    Simon
    April 20, 2015 at 12:12 pm

    It’s called Fountainhead. You can listen to the original.. OR, my cover! *shamless plus* : https://soundcloud.com/isimonfiction/fountainhead-cover

    And here’s my latest poem along the lines of relationships ending…

    https://isimonfiction.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/for-five-years-i-had-roses/

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